My throat

Well

It’s been a very long time since Mommah got her butt off the computer and let me write something.

Collars are stupid. Leashes are even stupider. You know what happens when stupid people don’t let you go go go? Yeah, I didn’t either.

So yesterday I wanted to get to Mommah really bad! And I just took off running! And then I coughed really hard.

Well. Mommah’s really motion full this week cuz it’s the week my big brother that I never met went to the Bridge. She misses him really hard and he musta been a really good dog cuz summertimes I see Daddee get motion full about him too. I wish I coulda met him but Mommah says I would be way too much for him. She says I’m way too much for almost everyone but I’m just right for her.

So anyway. Mommah got all scared that I was sick. And she freaked out, people. She really did, she blew up Auntie M’s phone like all day while I was just playin! So yesterday, when she picked me up from daycare, which I love because I play and play all day, Auntie M heard me cough and she felt all around my throat and I didn’t really like that cuz it hurt in one spot. She said “he hurt his throat.” Well, duh!

So anyway, now I get to wear my harness and I like that better than the stupid collar anyway, cuz I can go go go and pull like a tank! (Mommah doesn’t like that part, but oh well) Also, I look very stylish wearing it, by the way.

And Mommah ordered some honey from her favorite place cuz that’s supposed to make my throat feel better, and I’m getting soft treats and soft food.

I think I kinda like being spoiled like this. Well. I’m pretty much always spoiled like this. Mommah says every dog should be treated as well as I am. Sometimes Mommah is pretty smart. Sometimes she’s kinda stupid but we have to make allowances, not everyone is as smart as me, you know!

Bye, see you all soon, if she ever gets her butt off the computer again! (I think she’s mastered what my brother’s friend Buddy called the “gloo the bummee” game.)

Mommah took my pikashure – she’s not very good but here I am!

Me!

Thunder

Hi everyone. I’ve been so busy with going to daycare and dragging Mommah around the park and barking at deer! It’s really very tiring some days. Also I really like to drive Mommah crazy, not that THAT’S very hard to do!!

By the way, does anyone know what Irish Mist is? Cuz Mommah keeps thanking God for it!

So right now, we’re having a thunder storm. Mommah is scared of thunder. I keep trying to get her to just go in the car and we can run away from it but she just won’t listen.

I think I need to bite her bummie!

Puzzles

Hi everyone! Today I want to talk about puzzles. I have a bunch of puzzle games, Mommah says they make my brain work and make me tired. Well. I don’t ever get tired, tired is stupid. But. I do like to do my puzzles!

I have a whole bunch of them, I really like this one –

Mommah says that’s too easy though, so she told Samta Paws to bring me this one for Krispy Mouse day

This one is REALLY HARD! (I like it but it’s really hard!) Mommah helps me with the middle part, and I get to lick her ears cuz she gets on the floor and that’s funny. She laughs and then she goes yuck! She’s so weird.

One of Mommah’s friends made me one like this:

I have to boop the bottle with my nose and then a WHOLE BUNCH of treats fall out and I love that. I know how to do it, but I make Mommah do it for me cuz that’s funny. And she sits on the floor and I get to lick her ears.

It’s really cold out and there’s ice at my park so today we’re just hanging out inside, which Mommah likes but I don’t, and playing with my puzzles.

What are you all doing? I’m bored, so I think I’ll get Mommah to tell me stories and boop the bottles some more.

My Mommah is a hyper-com-dree-ack

I love my Mommah. I really do. She gives me pets and treats and cuddles and treats and takes me to daycare, which I really really really REALLY love, and she tells me stories sometimes when we’re sleepy, which is more often her than me cuz sleeping is boring, and she takes me for rides and gives me kisses, which are kinda yuck, but anyway, and she tastes good when I lick her face off.

However

She is a worry wart like you can’t believe! I mean, seriously, this woman needs to carry around a bottle of Irish Mist – I’m not sure what that is but she often says, “I NEED A SHOT OF IRISH MIST RIGHT NOW, DAMMIT!” so it must be almost as good as liver.

Which reminds me. She made dehydrated liver and did I get any? I got like THREE little pieces! WHY? Because it’s for Christmas. Well, I think that’s horse pucky! (I’m not allowed to swear or I’d tell you I really think it’s horseshit.)

Anyway. Today we went to the park because it’s Saturday and I think it’s stupid to name days because really, the sun comes up, we do stuff, the sun goes down, every time. You can call out “Maverick!” and I will come get a treat. You try calling out “Saturday” and see what happens. I’ll wait.

Nuffin, right? Right.

So. Anyway. We went to the park and all of a sudden, my foot hurt really bad so I stopped walking. I gave it a rest, you see. Then I walked a little and rested a little. And it got better really fast.

Mommah about had a heart attack. She was feeling of my paw. And rubbin my leg – that part was nice. And sayin, “it’s okay, Baby,” like 5000 times. (Excuse me. Not a baby here! Almost 4 years old, please remember that!)

So we went back to the car and then we came home. Like the shortest walk in history.

Geesh

Also, the back yard is all muddy so she won’t let me go out there and play. Boring! She said we’re gonna go shopping. I swear, she’s either shopping or worrying or worrying about shopping!

Okay, I’m really fine, everyone, and I’ll bark at you again soon!

Cleaning

Mommah is very rude. I want to play. She said she’s cleaning. Like that can’t wait? Am I not the center of the universe? Seriously?

I even whined at her!

First I jumped on the bed and that made her laugh but then she went right back to ignoring me. So rude!

Then she said she has to clean my ears. Ummm, no. I don’t think so.

Then she said she doesn’t have any ear cleaning stuff. Well, too bad about that!

She informed me they have it at the store. Really? It can just stay there, thanks

Okay, so the ointment is nice, but she could just go straight there, right?

The things I have to put up with!

Disclaimer by Mommah- his ears are just a bit red, nothing serious and he’s a drama queen

I AM NOT!!!!!

Shopping

My Mommah loves to shop. Every day, she picks me up and can we go home and relax? Nope, we shop.

I don’t understand this thing. Sometimes she doesn’t even buy anything!

Anyway. She keeps telling me to get my alligator. I don’t want my alligator. I want cookies.

I swear this woman is hard to train!

Fanksgibbing

Holy cow! I have so much to tell everyone! So the other day, this lady came into my daycare with her stupid little dog and it was too close to my Mommah so I told her what I thought of that!

Auntie Marian said I was rude.

So then the next day, we practiced meeting other dogs. That was okay because my Mommah wasn’t there and I didn’t have to tect her. She says we’re “working on my reactivity.” I think it’s stupid but as long as I get cookies, and they don’t get too close to MY Mommah, it’s okay.

Then yesterday? We went to my park and I barked at a stupid dog that stared at me. That was very rude of him. Mommah said to ignore him so I gave him a look at my butt and walked on.

We got home and I got to play outside and THEN!!!! All of a sudden!!!! My GIRLS were here! And my human brother and my girls and I love them so much that I jumped on them and humped my pillow and then I leaned on Mommah cuz I was SO EXCITED!!!!

AND! I got treats and they played all day and then I was too tired to eat my supper and it was a VERY GOOD DAY!!!!!

Crocodile is a stupid word

Yesterday morning I went to play with my friends. I have a new girlfriend and we play all day long and that’s the best. And I play with some of the other boy dogs too, so we have a party all day and Auntie Marian says I’m a jackrabbit, which is stupid, I’m a dog and she should know better.

Anyway. Mommah picked me up and we went shopping. That woman shops all the time! I think she bought yarn again and I’m not supposed to tell Daddy till she says, “what the heck, we don’t have secrets!”

I think my next word is gonna be “yarn,” by the way. We finally got home and I ate my supper and I just wanted to play with my toys and what does she do? Gets my crocodile and hides it. THEN she tells me to find it. Umm, you just put it over there under the cushion, lady. THEN she gets the alligator, which she calls the “add a gader” for some reason – she just is weird, I guess – and does the same thing!

I think she’s getting senile.

So I got the alligator and I beat it up cuz that’s a fun thing to do and she laughed so I did that some more.

And she still couldn’t find the crocodile that she hid.
But she gave me a cookie for finding the alligator. I found it a couple of times and then I found my bird. She really needs to stop hiding things. I was worried because really, she just had the toy and then she lost it? It made me tired just thinking about it so I went to sleep just to get her to quit hiding stuff!

Words

Mommah says we’re gonna learn words. I know lots of words but she says I need more. And she said it’s a game and that usually means treats so I’m ready!

Yesterday she told me that my toy was a crocodile. Say what????? It’s a shaky squeaky toy! She’s not very bright.

Then she told me to get my bird. Yeah, I know what that word means! So I brought her to her and she got all excited and forgot my treat. This woman is so hard to train!

Tonight when I get home from playing all day, she said we’re gonna learn crocodile. Whatever, Mommah! Just don’t forget the cookies this time!

I like mud!

However, my Mommah doesn’t.

It’s been raining for like ever here. We have to walk in the rain, which is okay but makes her crabby.
Well.

Everything makes her crabby.

And the back yard is all mud.

I love to be in the back yard. I get to run and dig (which also makes Mommah crabby, by the way.) (I did mention that everything makes her crabby, right?)

So today the sun was shining when we got home from a VERY short walk because her foot hurt and she let me go outside. I love to go outside. It’s her fault that I got all muddy!

And then she ran the evil vacuum and I had to come inside. Seriously, I have to bark at it so it doesn’t suck up my toys or my Mommah, cuz even though she’s a crab and a half, I love her lots.

I got so excited about the vacuum that I ran all around downstairs. Mommah said, “YOU’RE LEAVING MUD EVERYWHERE!”

Geesh. So I wanted to go back outside cuz she was havin a temper tantrum!

And then I saw that she was making lunch and I just wanted to come back in! And she tried to clean off my feet and I just wanted to run around again, even though she just mopped up all the mud. Again, not my fault, right?

Well.

I ended up getting a bath. It’s a good thing I like to get a bath.

The moral of the story? Don’t get muddy when the Mommah’s feeling crabby or you’ll never get outside again!